Puzzles
by Stellarsong
Summary: Four champions are chosen to brave the Labyrinth and seek out a renegade god.  For when the gods become bored with the Discworld, there's no tellng what will happen.
1. God of Puzzles

**A/N**: This is my very first Discworld/Labyrinth crossover and was first inspired when I wondered what would happen if my four favorite characters were to meet each other. Labyrinth sort of got pulled into it against its will. This first chapter is a bit short, I know, but it's kind of like a prologue, if that's any excuse for its shortness. I am well aware that in a linear timeline, these characters most likely wouldn't have met each other at these distinct moments in their lives, so let us pretend it's not linear, eh?

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Discworld, Laybrinth, or any references to random movies or books that happen to pop up every once in a while.

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><p>There are many gods of the Discworld, too many to count. From Offler the crocodile god to Blind Io, chief of the gods. They thrive on belief but since their many manifestations in olden times, they acquired enough belief to wrap around the world 8.53 times. So now the people of the disc believe in them as one believes in rocks. The evidence is too much to ignore.<p>

The gods live high up in the mountain temple of Dunmanifestin above Cori Celesti, the hub of the Disc. Most of them, anyway. Over the years, some have left, some have been banished, some have faded out into eternal nothingness. Out of those infinite gods, one of them was displeased with the realm hovering over the Discworld. He became bored. And so it was that this renegade god left the mountain and built up a realm of his own. It was there that he created a Labyrinth of such complexity, on such a vast scale as to dwarf the carefully carved geography of the Disc. Over time, it collected various creatures, fairies, dwarves, goblins, and beasts that not even the Labyrinth's creator knew the origins of.

This Labyrinth he used as a source of entertainment to staunch his boredom. Through the naïveté of mortals, through quarrels and frustrations, all it took was a wish.

_I wish…_

And the wishee would suddenly find himself in the castle at the center of the Labyrinth. The wisher would be required to solve the great maze within a set time limit. If he or she failed, well… it was the reason for the Labyrinth's overpopulation of goblins.

But eventually the people learned to stop believing in the effects of wishes and the renegade god's realm fell silent, the paths empty and untrodden.

Until _she _came.

_She_ who unwittingly wished away her baby brother and, much to the god's horror, solved the Labyrinth and escaped his realm. That was the last he saw of any mortal. Now he stays within the walls of his castle, deep in thought.

His name is Jareth, god of puzzles.

* * *

><p>High above Cori Celesti, the gods played a Game.<p>

It was a Game played out on the Discworld.

The Disc was slowly revolving on the backs of four giant elephants which in turn stood on the back of the Great A'Tuin, the world turtle. Clouds moved across the geography of the world, vast oceans and separate continents like egg shell fragments.

"I believe I've found the back door," said the Lady and there was a mysterious twinkle in her emerald eyes.

"Ah, but see, my pieces have already taken over half the city," Fate responded with his usual confidence. He was winning and it was no surprise. Fate always wins.

The Lady was not surprised nor was she disappointed. Rather than playing to win, she merely played not to lose.

"Play again?" Fate asked.

"Might we play fomething different for a change?" Offler mumbled. His thick voice was a result of the words trying to push their way out through his sharp crocodile teeth.

"Warring Tribes, then?"

"We played that yefterday."

"Trolls and Dwarves?"

"Lets face it, playing with the fates of mortals is not as fun as it used to be," Blind Io spoke for the first time. And it was true. Once any world got to a certain age, history started to repeat itself. Before you knew it, there'd be another Morporkian Revolution or even another – gods forbid – Koom Valley.

"Then let us change the rules," the Lady suggested. She was fairly sure she knew where this might lead. She couldn't speak for the others, but she rather enjoyed observing and meddling in the affairs of mortals. They were so _interesting_.

But Io continued to stare at the game board that was the Disc. He looked thoughtful.

"You think we should scrap the Discworld," Fate stated without hesitation. "You wish to start anew. You wish to create a whole new game."

"Again," Offler said softly.

"It would be quite refreshing," Io said finally. He had seen the beginnings and the ends of many worlds. "We can play a new game, yes. But we'll have to find the dice first."

"You left them under the fofa."

"I did not. I distinctly remember you –"

"_If_," the Lady cut them off, putting extra emphasis on the word to get their attention. "you plan to scrap the Disc, you know what will have to be done."

"A conclave," said Fate.

"Exactly," said the Lady. "A conclave of the gods shall be held here a day from now. All the gods with be present. And I do mean, _all _the gods."

Blind Io nodded. "Perfect. But you do realize that if no agreement is reached or if some gods choose not to show, by default, the Discworld will be officially scrapped."

"Of course," said the Lady. The mysterious knowing smile never left her eyes.


	2. A Night Filled With Smog

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long to post this chapter. I've been working on a couple of books that have really been taking up all my time. Of course, if I were to get some lovely reviews, I'll feel really guilty about it and just might post the upcoming chapters a bit sooner. Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Easter and I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

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><p>Some things were just not possible. For example, high in the Ramtops where the snow was thicker than the Ankh River and the cliffs were steep and fragile, there lived a goat. It lived on cliff edges and in nests of hollowed snowdrifts. But try as one might, this goat could never be persuaded to descend the mountain. It was very old. It was less goat and more a sack of bones and fur held together by sheer force of will. It was rooted to the perilous cliffs on which it lived. There could be an avalanche and the goat's only hope would be a strong man with a shovel.<p>

One of the world's other impossibilities is conning a wizard. They may not be the brightest in the batch but they had an uncanny ability to deflect lying. It was probably the hats.

So Moist von Lipwig (pronounced Lipvig, thank you very much) found himself, one smoggy night, scaling the endless wall of the Unseen University. It was a risky thing, definitely. One slip could have him plummeting, not to the solid ground of Ankh-Morpork, but into some other fathomless dimension. It was not a prospect he wished to elaborate on.

_Chink_ went the pick as it dug into the mortar between stones. Moist pulled himself up and _chink_ as he made his way slowly up the wall.

Above him was a window leading into the infamous library. Inside was a thing known only as the wyrm's treasure (differentiating from the common worm in that it had a tendency toward spontaneous combustion as a form of self defense). He wasn't sure what it looked like exactly but knew it was quite valuable and no amount of prying, wit, or natural charm could manipulate wizards into letting him get close to the thing.

He slowly lifted his foot, found a hold _chink_ and pressed his body flat to the wall, _chink_ the cold stone pressing into his chest. He daren't look down now, not this high up. He feared that if he did, he'd see nothing but clouds.

_Chink_. Breathed in and then out. _Chink_. A pause as he searched for a sufficient foothold. He glanced up. _Chink_. He moved upward slightly. His right pick slipped and he almost dropped it. Bits of mortar crumbled and rained down below him. He instinctively hugged the wall, not breathing.

_Damn_, he thought. _Don't you dare start panicking now_. Sucking in his chest as much as he could, he raised his arm and dug the pick into the wall, hoisted himself up, and kept going. But it was hard getting his nerves back in control, realizing how close he'd come to falling.

_Don't dwell on it. No use making it out as being worse than it was_, he told himself. Panic, he knew, could well lead to a fall of immeasurable distance. No, only a calm demeanor and clear thinking would get him up to that window.

_Chink_ went the pick.

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><p>Boredom was bliss.<p>

When you had boredom, you had safety and when you had safety, there was nothing to run away from. Which meant that there couldn't possibly be any danger or you'd find yourself sprinting down the street faster than light (which is possible on the Disc, where light is slow and sluggish).

So thought Rincewind as he sorted through books in the library. It was boring work and for that he was glad. Why, he hadn't had to run away from anything in quite some time. He had his daily sprint of course, just in case.

It was a late night though with all the city lights reflecting off the smog, it wasn't very dark. He went straight past books chained or in cages (best not to mess with them if you valued you fingers) and entered the history section. The Disc had more history than anyone dared remembered. There were books piled thickly on the shelves, stuck to the walls, and clinging to the ceiling even, mostly forgotten. Books stacked on books, books stacked _in_ books. Some of them growled as he passed.

Rincewind was just about to place _A Historie of Klatch: Volume LXII_ on the shelf when, coming from just outside the window, he heard a very faint _chink_.

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><p>Groping, Moist found the window ledge and gripped it tightly. Then he hauled himself up, grabbed it with his other hand and peered over and into the library. He scrambled non-too-gracefully and landed in a heap on the floor. But he couldn't allow himself too much of a rest, knowing that someone could discover him at any time.<p>

Forcing his breathing to slow down to normal speed, he got to his feet.

And found himself face-to-face with a wizard. Or, more accurately, a wizzard. It said so on his hat. It even had little sequins. Below the hat was a face. It stared back at him incredulously. Moist quickly composed himself, glad that he had not been cursed with any distinguishing physical traits. Things like moles and droopy eyes tended to stand out when witnesses testified to the Watch.

Thank the gods for that.

"Apologies," Moist said to the stunned wizard who continued to gawk at him. "Next time I'll use the door." He slowly began to edge away from the window. "I won't be long. Don't mind me."

The wizard continued to stare. It was slightly unnerving.

"I'm sure you've seen people crawl through windows all the time. Er…"

Moist didn't hear anything approach, but he became aware of a presence directly behind him. He turned.

"Ook."

And then the Librarian attacked.

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><p><em>You've got to be joking<em>, thought Sir Samuel Vimes, commander of the Ankh-Morpork Watch. _Either the man has very impractical means of suicide or he's an egg short of a full basket_.

Vimes was currently staring up the stone wall of the Unseen University where the criminal had ascended before being lost in the smog. One Alfred Spangler. The Watch had been after him for weeks and had found this recent trail leading from an inn where he was believed to be staying. He'd robbed banks, he'd swindled wealthy men out of their money. A doubtlessly skilled con man so what was he doing climbing the University in the middle of the night?

Just then, Sergeant Angua emerged from a nearby alley, straightening the collar of her uniform. Her hair was slightly frazzled. She'd been the one to sniff out Spangler's trail. Vimes knew there were still people who didn't like the idea of a werewolf in the Watch. Well, who cared for the lot of them? The sergeant was a damn good watchman…er, woman.

"Get Fred over here," Vimes said when he saw her. "I'm going around front. We're going to pay the wizards a little late night visit."

Angua nodded. She wasn't even tired after that last run and she jogged off to find Fred Colon.

Vimes found the front door with ease and hammered on it with his fist, yelling, "This is the Watch. Open up!"

The door did so after a moment and an old wizard poked his head out. He wore a long night gown and sleeping cap that kept falling over his eyes.

"Ah. Sam," he said, ignoring all that formal 'Your Grace' nonsense. "What are you doing here?"

"Mustrum, there is a dangerous criminal scaling the University. I've come to take him in." Then he pushed his way inside and hurried down the dimly lit corridor.

"Oh dear," Archchancellor Ridcully exclaimed. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Just alert your staff. And bar the doors. He's headed for the library."

"I'm going with you," Ridcully said.

After unsuccessfully navigating the University's many corridors, Vimes allowed Ridcully to lead him on.

A criminal, a wizzard, and a magical library. There was no telling what would happen.

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><p>Susan Sto Helit was up late grading papers. The topic was Koom Valley, one of the most famous battles that had taken place on the Disc. It had been fought between the trolls and the dwarves. The thing is, nobody knew who had ambushed who and who had won in the end. As a lesson in geography, she had shown the students what Koom Valley looked like today.<p>

It was fairly late and she was starting to get tired but she wanted to get finished with the last pile of papers before turning in.

There was a rustle at the corner of her desk.

She glared at the papers suspiciously. Then she picked up a pen and proceeded to read the next paper.

Another rustle.

Steadfastly, she ignored it.

SQUEAK.

She stopped. Put the pen down. Looked back at the papers that were suspiciously doing nothing. There was something white sticking out of it but it wasn't paper. It looked like a snout without fur.

SQUEAK, the Death of Rats confirmed.

"Oh, no," Susan moaned and put her head in her hands. "Not you again."

SQUEAK, the Death of Rats said sympathetically.

Susan moaned again.

"You think maybe we should've come in through the door?" said Quoth the Raven.


	3. Death's Challenge

**A/N: Here's another chapter. I've been real busy with other things lately, so sorry it took so long. I hope everyone had a great Halloween and Happy Thanksgiving. Don't forget to leave a review as that will guarantee faster updates. And if I got any of my information wrong, just let me know. Enjoy!**

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><p>In the streets of Ankh-Morpork, the priests were arguing. It was what they were best at really, seeing as how religion was all about how you were right and everyone else was wrong. They'd come down from their temples and argued about how the others were to blame for lacking in belief and how, yes, we'd all benefit, thank you, if you sacrificed a virgin into the mouth of a volcano and the gods would be pleased or else they would send down the fires of the heavens to obliterate the world. Others argued that the gods wished to destroy the Disc because they argued all the time and the gods were sick of it.<p>

The priestess of Anoia was one of these and she was facing the priest of the god Hoki, her forehead crinkled in frustration, brandishing her ceremonial whisk menacingly (the whisk of course being the symbol for the Goddess of Things That Get Stuck In Drawers). The priest of Offler had had enough and was challenging the priest of Blind Io to a sparring match. The priest of Om was unsuccessfully trying to make himself heard above the angry voices.

Captain Carrot of the Ankh-Morpork Watch had been sent down to try and recapture any order he could before it escaped completely. Right now it was making a dash for the sewer. Along with him came Corporal Nobbs, Constable Shoe and Constable Visit. Visit was attempting to keep innocent bystanders innocent by keeping them away from the arguing.

Just then, the priest of Offler broke free of his comrades restraining hands and punched the priest of Blind Io in the nose.

"We gonna have to step in like before, Cap?" Nobbs asked.

"Probably," Carrot sighed. It was usually best just to let them fight it out amongst themselves until they grew tired and went home. But sometimes it got violent. More than verbal barbs and black eyes. And so far these people showed no interest in giving up and going home. He sighed again. This was going to be a long night.

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><p>Away from the chaos in the streets, high above them in fact, in a place that may or may not have been in the same dimension, Moist von Ligwig was struggling against the weight of a 300-pound orangutan. He'd been surprised, to say the least, when the animal had jumped him. Sure, he'd heard stories about the University's Librarian and the magical mishap that had made him this way. But he never thought he'd see it for himself.<p>

Just when the Librarian had him pinned to the floor, his expression one that could melt steel, the door burst open and in rushed Vimes and Ridcully. They'd grown in numbers and other faces were pressing in behind them.

"There he is. That's Spangler," Vimes said, pointing at the unfortunate Moist. Behind him, Angua and Colon shuffled in. Moist's eyes widened when he saw Sergeant Detritus just outside the door, ducking his enormous head to see inside. He had a massive crossbow and it was loaded with what looked like two dozen arrows bundled together with twine. Moist didn't want to think about what would happen if the bow were fired indoors.

"Cuff him and then take him in for questioning," Vimes ordered then added as an afterthought," But get that…er, Librarian off him first."

A low growling sound emanated from the Librarian's throat as Ridcully tentatively approached.

"Er…Rincewind, you know him better. Why don't you…er…" He mimed pushing something heavy with both hands.

"Oh," Rincewind said. "Um, I'm sure I have a banana somewhere…" He began to pat himself down, checking his pockets. His fingers came into contact with a bit of string and some lint. "I can find one somewhere…"

There was a loud sigh from behind the Archchancellor, one more suited for theatrical purposes. "I was going to have it as a snack, but here, give him this," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes and he tossed something yellowish through the air. Rincewind caught it just barely. The Librarian's eyes fixed on it and he gave an "ook" of suspicion before gingerly climbing off the considerably flattened Moist von Lipwig and holding a hand, palm upward, to Rincewind. The banana was dropped into it and he inspected it closely.

"Ook," he said, satisfied, and sat down to enjoy the treat.

"Thank the gods," said Moist, whose arms were really aching and he sat up, relieved to be able to fill his lungs entirely again.

"You can do your share of praying in your cell," Vimes said. "Gods know you'll need it." He stepped forward, the ominous clunk of metal following as he brandished a pair of manacles.

Moist instantly leaped to his feet, suddenly feeling cornered. The window was out of the question. A troll was blocking the door. It seemed to him that his options were rather limited. "Might we not negotiate?"

"I'm not in the mood, Mr. Spangler," said Vimes. "Those people you conned were cheated out of their money. Thousands of dollars. And that's a lot of money. So we're going down town for a bit of a chat. You tell me what I need to know and I'll make sure yours is a clean, quick hanging."

_That's comforting_, Moist thought as Vimes slapped the manacles around his wrists. He felt their clanking against his wrists as he imagined he'd feel the hempen collar around his throat.

"Fred, you can help escort him back to the watch house. Angua, I'll need you to meet us there and…Angua?" he said when there was no reply.

"Sergeant?" He turned around.

Both Fred Colon and Sergeant Angua were frozen in place, not blinking, not even breathing. He glanced up at Detritus, down at Ridcully and the other wizards, at the Librarian half-way through the motion of tossing a banana peel over his shoulder. All of them still as statues. All of them, that is, except for Moist, himself, and Rincewind.

Time had come to a stop.

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><p>"What has he done this time?" Susan asked resignedly. She knew there was no getting rid of the two of them, it just couldn't be done.<p>

SQUEAK, said the Death of Rats.

"It's not your grandfather this time," the raven told her. "But he does need to talk to you. It's very important."

"Can't he just get someone else?"

"There is no one else," the raven said. "It's just you."

_Of course_, thought Susan. The irony of her life was astounding, she realized. Here she was, a teacher and former governess who'd spent her time warding off the monsters with a poker and still she was reluctant in her role as Death's granddaughter. She sighed. _Best just go along with it. They'll just keep coming back._

"Alright," she said.

There was hardly a pause before –

HELLO SUSAN.

"Hello."

I SEE YOU ARE DOING WELL.

"Thanks for noticing."

There was something off here, she suddenly realized. There was no noise, no ticking from the clock.

"You've stopped time."

AH. YES. TIME IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE.

Susan finally looked up.

Death stood in the middle of the room, tall, skeletal, wearing black robes. Twin blue flames stared out at her from otherwise empty eye sockets. The seriousness of the situation was somewhat dampened by that eternal, ghastly grin.

FROM THE MOMENT TIME STARTS AGAIN, THERE WILL NOT BE A WHOLE LOT OF IT. BEFORE YOU ASK THE QUESTION THAT IS ON YOUR MIND, I SUGGEST YOU WALK WITH ME AND I WILL TELL YOU. THERE IS SOMEWHERE WE NEED TO BE.

Susan, the question on the tip of her tongue, glanced at Quoth and the Death of Rats.

SQUEAK, the Death of Rats said encouragingly.

"Where are we going?"

THE UNIVERSITY, said Death. I BELIEVE THERE WILL BE SOME CONFUSION AS TO WHY TIME HAS STOPPED. WE MUST HURRY.

Susan stood, straightened her black dress. "Alright, but what is this all about?"

I WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING ONCE WE GET THERE.

She should have expected as much.

The trip to Unseen University was much like living inside a dream. They didn't bother with doors, simply walked through the wall into the night. It was eerie, seeing everything and everyone frozen as they were. Their footsteps seemed too loud against the unnatural quiet. It reminded Susan once of the time when time had stopped due to the creation of the Disc's most accurate clock. But the Auditors' plan hadn't lasted and the clock was destroyed. Susan didn't think she'd ever witnessed such crowded emptiness in the city ever again.

Distance seemed to have no meaning as it wasn't long before they were at the tall, looming tower of Unseen University. Defying the laws of physics, they stepped through without the use of such trivial things as doorknobs. To Susan, it was like passing through smoke. She was more there, more _real_ than her surroundings and so walls posed no problems, as insubstantial as the clouds.

She was sure they'd only gone through one wall, as thick as it was, yet when they came out, they were just entering the University's vast library.

Rincewind started with surprise, being the first to notice their arrival. He gulped in obvious fear.

"I'm sure we could work something out, what do you say?" Moist was saying in an ill attempt to escape his sentence. "When everyone else wakes up, you can tell 'em I just escaped…er, that…way…" His voice trailed off.

"Kindly be quiet. I'm trying to think," said Vimes, not at all happy with the way things were going. Time was not supposed to freeze on you and that was a fact.

"If I might point out, Commander," Moist tried, then stopped under Vimes' withering glare. Then, seeing how Moist's eyes slid past him, he risked a look back.

"…behind you," Moist finished.

GOOD EVEING, COMMANDER, said Death. I SEE THAT WE ARE ALSO JOINED BY MISTER LIPWIG AND RINCEWIND. THAT IS GOOD.

"Not for us," Rincewind muttered.

Death turned his searing blue eyes on the wizard. Rincewind cowered visibly, trying to hide behind a bookcase.

DO NOT WORRY. AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, YOU WILL NOT DIE TONIGHT.

Rincewind poked his head out from behind the shelf. "Is that so? Well what about tomorrow, eh?"

I CANNOT SPEAK FOR TOMORROW.

Rincewind grimaced.

NO, Death said and turned to face them all again. I HAVE COME NOW TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE GODS. IT SEEMS THAT THEY ARE BORED.

"Bored?" Susan echoed.

BORED.

"This doesn't have anything to do with the riots on the streets, does it?" Vimes asked.

I AM AFRAID SO.

"What does that have to do with us?" Moist asked.

Death said, EVERYTHING.

"So this means…?"

THE GODS WILL DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO SCRAP THE DISC AND START ANEW. BUT ALL THE GODS MUST BE PRESENT TO MAKE THE DECISION. AS THEY STAND CURRENTLY, IT SEEMS THAT THEY ARE ONE SHORT. APPARENTLY ONE OF THE GODS CREATED HIS OWN REALM. YOU MUST FIND HIM AND CONVINCE HIM TO JOIN A CONCLAVE OF THE GODS. IT IS BEING HELD A DAY FROM THE MOMENT THE GODS DECIDED TO HOLD IT.

"So how much time do we have now?" Vimes said.

FROM THE MOMENT YOU ENTER HIS REALM, Death said. ABOUT THIRTEEN HOURS.

"You keep speaking about his realm," said Susan. "But where is it?"

Death swept one arm out wide and suddenly there it was.

It was pale, it was vast, it was a labyrinth. It stretched for as far as the eye could see under a sandy sky and there, right in its center, was a magnificent, looming castle.


End file.
